Facing Fear

Rajah was the guardian that morning. He sent me the following chat file, to which I added my comments.

Rajah, Fale and Pia greet each other, and Adams then joins them as well.

Rajah Yalin: hi Fael
Fael Illyar: Hello Rajah :)
Fael Illyar: Hi Pia
Rajah Yalin: hi Pia
Pia Iger: Hi, Fael, Rajah
Pia Iger: Fael, a new outfit?
Fael Illyar: Yes :)
Faenik: could be
Fael Illyar went shopping yesterday.
Rajah Yalin: hi Adams
Pia Iger: Isn’t it something! I don’t how to describe it
Adams Rubble: Hi Rajah
Fael Illyar: Hi Adams :)
Adams Rubble: Hi Fael
Fael Illyar: Ah, that’s what these ghosts look like in this 1.20 viewer :)
Adams Rubble: Hi Pia
Pia Iger: Hi, Adams
Pia Iger: quite majesty, maybe, is the word
Fael Illyar: my outfit?
Pia Iger: or powerful, yes. your look
Fael Illyar: Yes, it sort of is like that :)
Pia Iger: anyway, I enjoy looking at the outfit.
Rajah Yalin: me too
Pia Iger: Adams is still grey
Rajah Yalin: Adams is still wearing the infamous MISSING shirt to me

Caspian and Moon arrive as well.

Fael Illyar: Hello Caspian
Rajah Yalin: hi Caspian
Caspian Inglewood: ah
Fael Illyar: adams apparently crashed
Caspian Inglewood: Konnichiwa
Rajah Yalin: konnichiwa
Caspian Inglewood: yah
Faenik: indeed?
Pia Iger: Hi Caspian
Fael Illyar: wb Adams :)
Caspian Inglewood: namaste
Fael Illyar: Hi Moon :)
Rajah Yalin: hi Moon
Moon Fargis: hi everyone
Caspian Inglewood: oh no
Caspian Inglewood: the ornery one
Pia Iger: Hi, Moon.
Rajah Yalin: that is moon
Moon Fargis: yes
Adams Rubble: Hello again everyone
Rajah Yalin: so hows the PaB been?
Moon Fargis: good like always i think :)
Rajah Yalin: good care to keep the conversation alive?
Moon Fargis: sure pab ballble is good
Rajah Yalin: it only makes sense
Faenik: indeed?
Rajah Yalin: that we babble about PaB this fine SL mourning

Indeed, quite a bit of babbling going on for a while.

Moon Fargis: hows the dreamstuff going pia ?
Pia Iger: I always has dreams. but do not remember what I had last night.
Caspian Inglewood: have you visited Little Yoshiwara, Moon?
Moon Fargis: caspian: no didnt got the time yet
Caspian Inglewood: stares at Fargis-san
Pia Iger: but I like what we talked yesterday, quite helpful
Moon Fargis stares back and draws a watergun
Pia Iger: Moon has a bundle of humor, I wonder where they come from
Caspian Inglewood: Rubble, are you a geisha?
Adams Rubble: Nope
Caspian Inglewood: your watergun is no match for this cigar
Moon Fargis: hehe
Moon Fargis: when i try long enought
Moon Fargis: but i dot want to ruin the tatami :)
Moon Fargis: so rajah .. i forget again where you came from
Pia Iger: Vanuatu, I think
Fael Illyar: me too, actually :)
Fael Illyar: Ah, yes, Vanuatu sounds familiar
Caspian Inglewood: I can ruin tatami in other way
Caspian Inglewood: naturally
Pia Iger: now he is drinking Kava, not typing
Moon Fargis: yes right.. the notice option in profiles is too seldom used by me :)
Caspian Inglewood: by leaving a scent, fargis-san
Moon Fargis: dont scent and smoke
Rajah Yalin: Vanuatu yep
Pia Iger: how is the weather there?
Rajah Yalin: dark
Pia Iger: cool?
Pia Iger: dark is not weather.
Moon Fargis: :) just fo my notices, in what ind of buddhism you where in ?
Caspian Inglewood: wheat pancakes
Rajah Yalin: I cant see a thing out there but i dont see rain so i guess its good :D
Caspian Inglewood: the Buddha still will not tell me why they exist
Moon Fargis: caspian: dont ask
Faenik: ah :)
Caspian Inglewood: to whom do you speak, Fargis-san?
Moon Fargis: see the name before this sentence? is written Caspian: so i guessi mean you
Caspian Inglewood: no poo for brains
Caspian Inglewood: the sentence before
Moon Fargis: ahh rajah
Caspian Inglewood: I see

Pia again makes a great attempt to focus the conversations.

Pia Iger: Moon, I do like your suggestion of” hug the man” in the dream
Pia Iger: I felt encouraged to face the fear
Moon Fargis: im glad to hear that .)
Fael Illyar: That’s good :)
Caspian Inglewood: please help to elect Barack Obama
Pia Iger: Many times, fear grows stronger because we tend to withdraw
Pia Iger: I just remember the other day
Pia Iger: a drunk/drug addict
Pia Iger: on the subway train
Pia Iger: kept looking at me and wanted to make conversation
Caspian Inglewood: bows to Adams
Pia Iger: I was so afraid and could not look at him
Moon Fargis: ah
Moon Fargis: did you leaved him alone?
Caspian Inglewood: the mind makes boogeyman of dark closets
Pia Iger: He sort of followed me a bit out side station
Pia Iger: said he wants to talk to me
Pia Iger: Of cause, I did not make any eye contact
Pia Iger: just walked my way
Moon Fargis: hmm at one side you protected yoursefl
Pia Iger: yes, that is common sense
Fael Illyar: Some people might get angry at being ignored though
Caspian Inglewood: the homeless person was you, Pia
Moon Fargis: but at the other some eyecontact should atleast be made… i remember a hapening wich was nerly the same
Moon Fargis: i where on a bus station and waited for the bus, i saw a drunken old man sitting on a bench talking to a strager who completley ignored him ..they both sat on the same bench.. soon the strager had eought of the drunken babble and leaved.. i felt sorrry for the drunken man at set me to him.we started a nice conversation and i heard alot of painfull things hapend in his life wich leads to ruin…
Moon Fargis: but it was at day on a open space
Moon Fargis: who know what had do on night on a dark subway station

Indeed. And New York City is not the safest place in the world to talk to strangers.

Adams Rubble: Yes circumstances make a big difference
Faenik loves wells!
Caspian Inglewood: who doesn’t feel that wrenching pain in the guts at the sight of the cold and homeless?
Caspian Inglewood: isn’t this what brings people to Zen practice
Pia Iger: yes, Caspian, it is one thing that I did not gut to face.
Pia Iger: The drunk looked very pathetic, lonely,
Caspian Inglewood: what has passed is past
Pia Iger: with watery eyes
Pia Iger: Why do you say I am the homeless one?
Pia Iger: Caspian?
Moon Fargis takes out the water pistol again
Pia Iger: hehe
Caspian Inglewood: you ask me how to use koan
Caspian Inglewood: Dogen Zenji observed, “impermanence and suffering are right before your eyes.”
Pia Iger: Koan?
Caspian Inglewood: Koan?
Caspian Inglewood: this question itself is koan
Caspian Inglewood: for a koan can’t be answered or understood by the intellect
Caspian Inglewood: Mumonkan says: You describe it in vain, you picture it but to no avail
Pia Iger: so how do you work on Koans?
Caspian Inglewood: allow it to become a great ball of great doubt
Caspian Inglewood: actually, there is no one way to work on a koan
Caspian Inglewood: only one way to awakening, a thousand masters can’t point it out
Caspian Inglewood: and because koan work is an intense form of practice, it is best to work with a teacher
Pia Iger: thanks for the explanation.
Caspian Inglewood: yeah
Adams Rubble thinks Caspian has ben a bit harsh about Pia’s encounter
Caspian Inglewood: what is koan?
Caspian Inglewood: only you can answer this for yourself
Pia Iger: Moon, even in daylight, I don’t think I can practice the sympathy to homeless
Moon Fargis: pia: your awareness of that can lead you to change it
Adams Rubble: I think caspian has made an assumption about the other person’s state of mind
Caspian Inglewood: “just like this” is the truth Adams
Caspian Inglewood: I only answered the question: what is koan?
Adams Rubble: No before that Caspian. I am slow to respond
Adams Rubble: When you said Pia is the homeless one

Caspian reacts rather sharply to Adams.

Caspian Inglewood: that was not for you
Pia Iger: yes, I am curious about this too.
Caspian Inglewood: I should have done it in IM
Faenik: why not?
Adams Rubble: Can’t we talk openly about this?
Pia Iger: no hard feelings, just not clear what you mean?
Pia Iger: guess I missed the bullet
Caspian Inglewood: because our life mission is to save all sentient beings in suffering, we must treat the other as we treat ourself
Caspian Inglewood: I never said you treated homeless person incorrect
Caspian Inglewood: only that homeless person was you
Faenik: could be
Fael Illyar: Rather hard to make a clear interpretation about what Caspian said but my take is that “You are the homeless one” is a Koan meant for Pia.
Caspian Inglewood: sometimes I check my mind, and my mind is sometimes clean and sometimes dirty, so hard training is necessary
Adams Rubble: I hope I did not overstep here…
Caspian Inglewood: most people separate their opinion, their condition, and their situation
Caspian Inglewood: but if you have a clear mind, your opinion, condition, and situation become one action
Pia Iger: np. Adams
Adams Rubble: but I think I feel that it is possible that Pia might have been in real danger
Caspian Inglewood: you have done no such thing
Fael Illyar: Koan, as far as I know, is a question that you ponder.
Adams Rubble: and we need to be wise in how we apply our compassion
Fael Illyar: but that can’t be answered directly.
Caspian Inglewood: yes, danger comes and you run
Caspian Inglewood: but from what does one run?
Pia Iger: the fear of danger,
Caspian Inglewood: the fear of death…
Pia Iger: yes, there is struggle between being survive and practicing fully compasson
Fael Illyar: I think I read somewhere that when you are enlightened, you no longer fear death.
Caspian Inglewood: most people, when they look at it, are not scared of death Pia
Caspian Inglewood: survival is a given
Caspian Inglewood: most are very scared of a painful, drawn out death
Caspian Inglewood: perhaps this is not relevant
Caspian Inglewood: but I believe it is so
Adams Rubble: I agree with that Caspian
Caspian Inglewood: life and death are like a floating cloud
Adams Rubble: for me anyway
Caspian Inglewood: neither one exists
Fael Illyar: but I think it’s worth thinking about what you were afraid at that time, Pia.
Pia Iger: yes. Fael
Caspian Inglewood: ha! the floating cloud itself originally does not exist
Caspian Inglewood: bows to Adams
Caspian Inglewood: there is one thing which always remains clear, not dependent on life or death
Caspian Inglewood: not dependent on coming or going
Caspian Inglewood: what is the one pure and clear thing?
Caspian Inglewood: this again is koan
Caspian Inglewood: fundamental koan
Faenik: なるほど ^^
Pia Iger: this may be very frank, I noticed I was very aware of my own weakness at that time
Caspian Inglewood: facing our failings and our weakness and yet still again rousing up that energy of “try” is very much connected to our view of what it really means to be alive
Adams Rubble: :)
Caspian Inglewood: that’s the bodhisattva way, just try
Pia Iger: on the other hand, I was almost afraid of being contaminated by his misforturne
Moon Fargis: thats intresting, now i think you made a big step pia about realizing this
Pia Iger: thanks, Moon.
Caspian Inglewood: without misfortune, there is only more wanting and desire
Caspian Inglewood: wanting and wanting
Caspian Inglewood: must go now
Pia Iger: I am quite content with what I have now.

Time for everyone to leave.

Caspian Inglewood: you all have a blessed day
Rajah Yalin: Namaste
Adams Rubble: bye Caspian
Fael Illyar: bye Caspian
Moon Fargis: bye caspian
Caspian Inglewood: cia
Pia Iger: bye caspian
Pia Iger: but it is scare to think I would lose what I have, and have difficulties like the homeless
Moon Fargis: nothing to loose when you give help
Faenik: ah :)
Fael Illyar: being scared about something like that sounds like treating it like a contagious disease
Pia Iger: true, Fael,
Adams Rubble: The bodhisattva way is very hard and we shouldn’t beat ourselves up when we fall short—only try again :)
Adams Rubble thinks Moon is very wise
Pia Iger: :)
Pia Iger: and funny
Adams Rubble: :)
Fael Illyar: That hold for everything. Don’t beat yourself up for failing, only try again. If you beat up yourself for failing, you won’t even try.
Faenik: ah :)
Pia Iger: thanks, Fael.
Pia Iger: how about a dance before next meeing?
Pia Iger: Moon?
Moon Fargis: ahh sorry
Moon Fargis: here i am again
Moon Fargis: phone was interrupting
Fael Illyar: Well, lets move to the guardian meeting hall :)
Pia Iger: time to go?

2 responses to “Facing Fear

  1. Pingback: All is Well « Play as Being Weblog

  2. Pingback: Helping Self and Others « Play as Being Weblog

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